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who and whom

Whom is unusual in informal modern English.

Questions: Who did they arrest?​

We normally use who as an object in questions.

  • Who did they arrest?

Prepositions usually come at the end of who-questions (see here).

  • Who did she go with?

In a very formal style, whom is sometimes used.

  • Whom did they arrest? (formal)

Prepositions normally come before whom.

  • With whom did she go? (very formal)

Relative clauses: the man (who) we met​

In identifying relative clauses, (see here), whom is unusual in an informal style. Either we leave out the object pronoun, or we use that or who ( (see here) for details).

  • There’s the man (that)/(who) we met in the pub last night.

In a formal style whom is more common.

  • She married a man whom she met at a conference.

In non-identifying relative clauses (see here), we usually use whom as an object when necessary (but these clauses are uncommon in informal English).

  • This is John Perkins, whom you met at the sales conference.
  • I have a number of American relatives, most of whom live in Texas.

who(m) he thought, etc​

In a sentence like He was trying to find an old school friend, who(m) he thought was living in New Zealand, people are often unsure whether whom is possible (because it seems to be the object of the first following verb) or whether they should use who (because it is the subject of the second verb). Who is considered more correct, but whom is sometimes used. Another example:

  • There is a child in this class who(m) I believe is a musical genius.

In cases with a following infinitive, usage is mixed, but whom is considered more correct.

  • There is a child in the class who(m) I believe to be a musical genius.