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Politeness: using questions

Requests: Could you …?​

We usually ask people to do things for us by means of yes/no questions. (This suggests that the hearer can choose whether to agree or not.)

  • Could you tell me the time, please? (much more polite than Please tell me the time.)

Some other typical structures used in requests:

  • Could you possibly tell me the way to the station? (very polite)
  • Would you mind switching on the TV?
  • Would you like to help me for a few minutes?
  • You couldn’t lend me some money, could you? (informal)

Indirect yes/no questions are also used in polite requests.

  • I wonder if you could (possibly) help me for a few minutes.

Other structures: telling people to do things​

If we use other structures (for example imperatives, should, had better), we are not asking people to do things, but telling or advising them to do things. These structures can therefore seem rude if we use them in requests, especially in conversation with strangers or people we do not know well. Please makes an order or instruction a little more polite, but does not turn it into a request. The following structures can be used perfectly correctly to give orders, instructions or advice, but they are not polite ways of requesting people to do things.

  • Please help me for a few minutes.
  • Help me, would you?
  • Carry this for me, please.
  • You ought to tell me your plans.
  • You should shut the door.
  • You had better help me.

Shops, restaurants, etc​

Requests in shops, restaurants, etc are usually more direct, and are not always expressed as questions. Typical structures:

  • Can I have one of those, please?
  • Could I have a look at the red ones?
  • I’d like to see the wine list, please.
  • I would prefer a small one.

Give me …, please and I want …, please are not normally considered polite. But in places where only a few kinds of thing are sold and not much needs to be said, it is enough just to say what is wanted and add please.

  • ‘The Times’, please.
  • Black coffee, please.
  • Two cheeseburgers, please.
  • Return to Lancaster, please.

Negative questions​

Negative questions (see here) are not used in polite requests.

  • Could you give me a light? (not Couldn’t you give me a light? – this sounds like a complaint.)

But negative statements with question tags are common in informal requests in British English.

  • You couldn’t babysit this evening, could you?
  • I don’t suppose you could babysit this evening, could you? (very polite)

Expressions of opinion​

Expressions of opinion can also be made less direct by turning them into questions. Compare:

  • It would be better to paint it green. (direct expression of opinion)
  • Wouldn’t it be better to paint it green? (less direct: negative question asking for agreement)
  • Would it be better to paint it green? (open question – very indirect)
note

For other rules of ‘social language’, (see here).