Skip to main content

Politeness: distancing verb forms

Past tenses: How much did you want to spend?​

We can make requests (and also questions, suggestions and statements) less direct (and so more polite) by using verb forms that suggest ‘distance’ from the immediate present reality. Past tenses are often used to do this.

  • How much did you want to spend, sir? (meaning ‘How much do you want to spend?’)
  • How many days did you intend to stay? (meaning ‘… do you intend …’)
  • I wondered if you were free this evening.

Progressives: I’m hoping …​

Progressive forms can be used in the same way. They sound more casual and less definite than simple forms, because they suggest something temporary and incomplete.

  • I’m hoping you can lend me £10. (less definite than I hope …)
  • What time are you planning to arrive? (more casual-sounding than Please let us know what time you plan to arrive.)
  • I’m looking forward to seeing you again. (more casual than I look forward …)
  • I’m afraid we must be going.

Past progressives give two levels of distancing.

  • Good morning. I was wondering: do you need help moving that stuff?
  • Were you looking for anything special? (in a shop)
  • I was thinking – what about borrowing Jake’s car?

Future: You’ll need to …​

Another way to distance something is to displace it into the future. Will need / have to can be used to soften instructions and orders.

  • I’ll have to ask you to wait a minute.

And will is sometimes used to say how much money is owed.

  • That will be £1.65, please.

Future progressive verbs are often used to enquire politely about people’s plans (see here).

  • Will you be going away this summer?

The modal verbs would, could and might also make questions, requests and suggestions less direct.

  • I thought it would be nice to have a picnic.
  • Hi! I thought I’d come over and introduce myself. My name’s Andy.
  • Could you give me a hand?
  • Could I ask you to translate this for me?
  • We could ask Daniel to help us.
  • I was wondering if you might be interested in a game of tennis.
  • ‘I came in and ordered some shoes from you.’ ‘Oh yes, sir. When would that have been, exactly?’

Would is very often used to form requests and offers with verbs like like and prefer.

  • What would you like to drink?

Note the common use of would before verbs of saying and thinking, to make a statement sound less definite.

  • I would say we’d do better to catch the earlier train.
  • This is what I would call annoying.
  • I would think we might stop for lunch soon.
  • I’m surprised you didn’t like the film. I would have thought it was just your kind of thing.
  • We would ask passengers to have their tickets ready for inspection.

Conditional and negative expressions​

Another way of distancing suggestions from reality is to make them conditional or negative.

  • It would be better if we turned it the other way up.
  • What if we stayed at home for a change?
  • Suppose I gave Alice a call?
  • If you would come this way …
  • I wonder if you could lend me £5?
  • I don’t suppose you want to buy a car, do you?
  • You wouldn’t like to come out with us, by any chance?
  • You couldn’t take the children to school, could you? (but not Couldn’t you take the children to school? This sounds like a complaint, (see here).)